DEAR LADY A: Halloween is coming up and I’ve got a girlfriend this time around and we’d like to, if possible, go as a sexy couple. Nothing too popular, like Hunger Games characters or Mad Men secretaries. But something eye catching, fun and cheeky. If we can find any complementary characters, any ideas for something sexy for each of us? We’re open to any ideas you have. And possible use in the bedroom, after is Halloween, over would be a bonus!
– Costume Query
DEAR COSTUMED KITTEN: As far as I can figure, every costume is potential bedroom attire after the holiday is over, so I wouldn’t fret much about achieving that goal. Just assume you’ll use it later, and you’ll shop or craft accordingly. Leather-like fabrics, wigs, whips, straps and dog collars would prove fun, multipurpose and pretty obvious given their popularity in both Halloween and sex store venues. If it were me (and it will be) I’d definitely try to find an outfit with extravagant shoes, something that shows a lot of skin, and is twisted enough to open the mind to darker themes than I’d normally explore in bed. That said, for practical (like washing your sheets the next day) and psychological reasons, you may wish to avoid bloody or horrific duds — with the exception of zombie-themed, which, although a tad cliche, certainly does have sex appeal when executed (get it, “executed”?) correctly — and of course, clowns. Definitely avoid clown costumes. Clowns are never ever sexy … And, yes, I am afraid of them.
The sexy-time develops naturally after party-time, so first let’s get you into an outfit your celebrating friends will both recognize (obscure, philosophical Halloween outfits like a bunch of shredded photographs taped to a unitard and labelled “Deconstructionism” rarely go over well) and appreciate. Here are a few ‘celebrity’ costume suggestions for you, none of them (shudder) clowns…
Lucy and Ethel – In chocolate factory chef hats, perhaps?
Julie Newmar Catwoman and Halle Berry Catwoman – Who’s the fairest kitten of them all? Battle it out. In thigh high boots, no less.
Wilfred and Ryan – Maybe furries aren’t your thing (make your partner wear the dog suit), but Elijah Wood sure is cute and “boi”-ish.
Pink and Gwen Stefani – You can perform a “spontaneous” duet, then make out publicly. They did make out at the iHeartRadio Festival, right? Because, I’m going to remember it that way.
Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn – Make it work, kittens!
Oprah and Gayle – I know, I know! They’re just besties and not an actual couple. But it’s Halloween, so anything goes. (And YOU get some candy corn! And YOU get some candy corn!…)
RuPaul and Michelle Visage – You can walk around parties making snarky comments about other people’s costumes, but tell them you’re “just staying in character.”
Lady A Business and Lady A Bikini – You can walk around parties making snarky comments about other people’s costumes, but tell them you’re just staying in character — Wait, a minute!…That’s a really good one. (By the way, if you’re wondering about proper Lady A accessories… You can’t go wrong with a flogger.)