DEAR LADY A: If you could only give ONE piece of advice for giving head — and please don’t say keeping your mouth wet! — what would it be? And why?
– BJ
DEAR BJ: You are no professor (at least not of this subject) and I am no student (if you know what I mean). So, I will refrain from addressing your “why” as this is not an essay test and your reasons for performing fellatio should, frankly, be obvious. Now, kindly sit down, shut up and let this lady teach…
I happen to believe that giving good head is an art form. The mastery of which requires patience, intellect, introspection, and let’s just call it, ‘numerous and diverse opportunities for fieldwork.’
As you can imagine, it’s difficult to choose just one bullet point from the hundreds of suggestions any headmaster head-masterer might offer, but here goes: With every blow job, never forget the bottom half of his shaft. Include a complimentary amaaaazing handjob, on the house. Keep you fingers firmly gripped around the base of his cock while your tongue flicks his slit and suckles the meat just beneath his head. As you start to glide your mouth up and down, follow the movement with your fist, and let no air cast lips and hand asunder. In other words, cover every square inch of his penis with either your juicy mouth or your confident fingers. Pay attention to the lad! Every phallus is a unique and beautiful, long veiny snowflake, so don’t assume you know his tastes. Take a minute to appreciate his preferences, and to do some tasting of your own. Learn the tightness of grasp he desires and his preferred rhythm, then start to give your fist a little twist (Hey, I rhymed and it was sexy!).
If you’ve never done it before, you can practice “the twist” ahead of time on your own thumb. This should give you a realistic feel for the grip and the amount of effort it takes to slide shaft skin up while twisting to the side in one direction, then back down twisting to the other side. If his erection leaves his skin taut with no give, or if you just want to continue that hot wet mouth sensation — I know, your essay test specifically said don’t give advice about mouth wetness, but I cheat, so whatever! — use a lot of saliva or, even better, a lot of edible lube. (Just be sure your blowjob lube isn’t silicone-based, because silicone, when ingested, tends to have a laxative effect … And that could be unfortunate … Ahem.) Twist your fist up and to one side as you slide your tongue over his head and suck on the tip, then twist it to the other side and down (firmly, as in a thrust) and take him as deep into your mouth as you comfortably can. When you’ve done this move correctly — or hell, when you’ve just done it adequately — the Handjob With A Twist addition to your usual blowjob should have him begging for mercy, in the good way! And that, Bossy BJ, is the piece of advice I would give an industrious fellatio student, if I could offer but one.
DEAR LADY A: Do you own a BDSM whip?
– Anonymous
DEAR SLAVE: I have no whip, but I do own a flogger, some restraints and a pair of very high, very sharp stiletto heels. When it comes to lashings, kitten, I just use my tongue.
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