DEAR LADY A: My question is really simple: Does anyone really like ass fisting? I mean really? I think things slip into the sexual lexicon sometimes just based on their absurdity alone and the next thing you know everybody thinks it’s normal to have a hand up their ass. I don’t think it’s sexy and I think I’d break up with any guy who attempted to try it on me. What do you think?
– Keep Your Hand Out Of There
DEAR HAND OUT: Well sir, it’s difficult to find a scholarly and definitive history of fisting — a “fistory” if you will — but it does seem evident that ass fisting is as old as the hills. So, the answer to your question must obviously be, yes. Some people really do like it. And I would hazard a guess that many of these people could in fact be categorized as “normal” and not coerced by overzealous porn fans or brainwashed by modern social/sexual precepts.
The enjoyment it seems, comes from the taboo nature of the act and exploring that fine line between pain and pleasure, along with the intense feeling of being fully-stretched and the length of time it takes to get up there. It can take up to 30 minutes just to get fully inserted. (Which, by the way, is more time than it takes to stuff a turkey. And if I’ve changed your vernacular from “stuffing a turkey” to “fisting a turkey” you’re welcome and Happy Thanksgiving.) When fisting is executed properly with patience, communication, constant vigilance against injury, deference to an individual’s limits and about a gallon of lube, it can be a wonderful thing. For a certain percentage of the population.
That said, it’s perfectly okay to not want to participate. The act of fisting is extreme; it does carry health risks to the fistee; and being intrinsically opposed to it definitely does not make you vanilla. But I don’t know that you should go so far as to break up with someone over the mere suggestion. Perhaps before you kick him out, you could try the reply, “Hey, about that latex-covered ‘duck hand’ in my rectum? No thanks!” and just see what he says.
DEAR LADY A: What do you think about people who feel they don’t fit into one gender or the other? Would you ever date someone who didn’t consider themselves male or female, but more like something in-between?
– Victor/Victoria
DEAR VIC: As a lipstick femme who loves to top with dildos, I myself am a contradiction (and a cuntradiction) in my own right. I am no slave to gender and I certainly don’t expect dogmatic cisgender conformity of my partners. Yes, I would absolutely date someone who didn’t consider themselves “male” or “female.” Are you asking, kitten?…
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