DEAR LADY A: I want to make my husband really happy tonight, but I’m old and set in my ways. I don’t want to be bothered to buy a new gadget or read an entire book about gay sex that basically ends with me saying, “I can’t hold those ridiculous positions,” and giving up. What’s a hot thing I could do without becoming a sexologist yogi, or buying up an entire store?
– Old (In Gay Years) And Grumpy
DEAR GRUMPY OLD MAN: So, you don’t want to earn an honorary degree in human sexuality or come out of the bedroom in full leather regalia and nipple clamps. You really are bitter, aren’t you? That’s okay. You don’t need books or toys to make you good in bed, Mr. Grumpypants. And if your hot hubby thinks otherwise, just give him the finger. Literally.
Get your man naked and sitting. Climb onto his lap and, as you kiss him passionately, let your ring finger (it’s more sensitive to touch) glance across his lower lip. Tease his lips with your finger as you touch tongues. Be flirty. Tell him you want to give him a night he won’t forget, then slide down his body until you’re on your knees between his legs – leave your hand resting gently against his mouth. Tell him you want to go down on him more than anything, but he’s going to have to be your teacher. He must show you exactly what to do. Every lick or suck or swirl your mouth makes on his cock must be demonstrated by him, on your finger, before you make a move. Concentrate on learning his intentions and mirroring his most subtle motions. Be precise. If he pushes his tongue hard against the joint just below the pad of your finger, push your tongue just as hard against that sweet spot where his head meets his shaft. If he taunts the very tip of your finger, work his hole with your tongue. Use your free hand to jerk him off as you practice your tongue tricks, but submit to his directions completely. If you do this right, and give him complete control over technique, it shouldn’t take long before he’s moaning and writhing. When he’s really close to climax, remember to keep sucking, but take your hand away from his face, since you don’t want to get bitten as he loses control. Of course, you’ll be left with one very wet, very lubricated finger mere moments before he shoots. I’m sure you’ll think of something to do with that.
See, Grumpy? You can teach an old dog (in gay years) new, easy tricks. Just let go of books and toys, and let your man be the teacher.